


Finders, keepers

by Achini



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Divorce, Drama, F/M, Marriage, References to Depression, Romance, Single Parents, Slice of Life, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 09:06:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18407489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achini/pseuds/Achini
Summary: What if you willingly entrust your life to someone?And what if they pick it up with grace, and make it theirs forever?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To you,
> 
>         My life,
> 
>                I entrust

**_When_ ** Sung Gyu found her standing on the ledge of their apartment building that morning, Eunji was trying to kill herself. Sung gyu couldn’t tell in the very beginning; not when her hair cascaded beautifully around her, not when her long, pale arms raised high and remained graciously against the wind. She looked so breathtaking at that moment. Sung gyu has always thought that she was one remarkably beautiful woman. He didn’t know her much, though they’ve been neighbors for as long as he remembered. She was the girl with minimal words; whose eyes spoke when her words didn’t. She had a wonderful pair of lively doe eyes.

Her eyes had life, even if everything else about her didn’t. They’d reflect all her innermost emotions in the best way possible. Her eyes smiled when her lips didn’t, and when he’d pass by, giving her solely a nod in greeting every morning, her eyes would inflict something gracious which he couldn’t quite pinpoint. And this one time, when he accidentally picked up her grocery instead of his own while they picked up their post from the counter, Eunji gave him this look which chilled him to the bones. Not a word was spoken, not even a gesture with her hands, but scarcely her eyes, looking up at him as if he was offending her. Sung gyu had always thought that her eyes were incredibly beautiful. And if anything, he admired those eyes so much.

At that moment too, when nothing about her stance gave things away, her eyes did, as if they were mirrors to her soul. He couldn’t see them at first, because she had her back facing him, and also because she most probably had no idea that there was a man accompanying her at this fretful moment on the top most floor of the building. Something about that beauty of her at that time was alarming. It was her bare feet, turning pink against the cold cement floor, it was the fact that she wore pure white, it was the way her hands kept clenching and unclenching every passing second. It seemed to tell him something, _something_ ; and that’s why he rounded the corner, and from the sidelines, he saw her eyes.

For the first time ever, Sung Gyu was seeing a different emotion coming from her. An emotion which sparked warning signals all around him. They were red and raw, slightly swollen, and the usual glimmer was replaced by a thick membrane of fear and uncertainty. He took a double take and analyzed her posture once all over again in a matter of seconds, and then the reality hit him.

“Don’t do it” He said. His voice was soft and mild. It always was, and he hated it at times like this, because Eunji seemed to have hardly even acknowledged his presence beside her. He hated that things like this had happened to him much too often than not. How many times had he seen people giving up on their lives this way? If he would be perfectly honest, this was only his second time, and the first time he did, it was his own sister. And when he found her that fateful night, five years ago, a lonely bachelor and a freshly graduate, his sister was pretty much a corpse, barely taking a breath. She was announced dead the next morning, and it was a scar which stayed with him for life. And after that night, had he expected to meet a dying soul again? No he hadn’t. He had actually prayed to god, _no, not again_. He hated seeing death. But now, after five years had passed when he was no longer a bachelor (Yet lonely) and he was no longer fresh out of college, he was about to see death again. And he didn’t want to.

So he himself climbed onto the ledge and carefully folded the girl into his arms. She was warm, small and tender. In his arms, she broke apart, and her small sobs melted is heart. Sung gyu was glad he didn’t let her die that moment, because when she cried, he could feel it that it really wasn’t what she wanted. Jung Eunji wanted to be saved. And he did. He saved her. She was safe. At least for this moment, in his arms, in his embrace, she very much was.

“Hey, I’ve got you. I’ve got you” Sung Gyu mumbled into her hair as she cried onto his chest, dampening the shirt he wore. He realized then, at that moment when he felt life still trembling inside her like a tiny, desperate child, that these were the words he should have said to his sister five years ago, long before she had decided to hang herself.

It was simply a cruel world.

~*~

Kim Sung Gyu, a lonely banker, newly separated and a single father for a four-year-old, lived in the Metropolitan towers, a suburban apartment complex which was only a few blocks away from where he worked. After having gotten married to the first girl who ever said yes to him, Sung Gyu had thought his life had just taken a perfect turn. She was a beautiful girl. Though she was a few years of his junior, she never really acted like one. Hayoung owned a perfume boutique named ‘ _La belle vie_ ’ which was in the same building as the branch of the bank he worked at. They had run into each other a few times, said hellos and goodbyes, shared smiles and a slight wave of hands whenever convenient. It was solely a workplace acquaintanceship which never really meant much in the beginning. Things escalated, somehow, after that one time when Sung Gyu first went to the perfumery to purchase a gift for his girlfriend for her birthday. Hayoung had approached him, graceful and polite, with all smiles and sparkling eyes, assisted him with selecting the best and the most expensive bottle of perfume for his girlfriend, and had left him with a slightly side-tracked heart. The girlfriend of his dumped him on the very same night, which was a great heart-break, not because he had loved this girl immensely, but because she had left him feeling like a fool. Love never seemed to work out for him, and it was always him who got dumped. Always. But then, that night, when he sat on the bench near the fountain of their work-place with the expensive gift still untouched in his hands, Hayoung from the perfumery walked into his life in all her perfect ways. He asked her to be his girlfriend two weeks later, and after another six months, she was pregnant with their love child. They had to have a rushed wedding at that point, and she moved into his small penthouse apartment in the metropolitan towers. They lived in all the love and bliss, the two of them. Hayoung gave birth to a beautiful little girl whom they named after his late sister ‘Miru’, and they lived a happy, beautiful life.

But then as all the beautiful things in the world did, his life as a part of a happy family lasted as long as three years. Somewhere during this time, some salty bastard called Myung Soo had to walk through the doors of the Metropolitan plaza with his piercing gaze and a cheeky smile. He was handsome, so much so that you could mistake him as a walking-talking magazine pictorial. A travelling journalist, was what he said he was. Sung Gyu wasn’t certain why a traveling journalist had to live in an apartment house the first place. But then when his wife was swayed by his very existence, and everything came crumbling down and lied in a heap by his feet, Sung Gyu realized what this jerk’s true intentions were. This Myung Soo _(bastard)_ had somehow lured Hayoung into accompanying him on an expedition of finding natural exotic scents for her perfume production, and the next thing Sung gyu knew was that he was dumped, yet again, by the woman he loved, for a man with a face of a runway model, and this time, adding to his lonesome misery and self-loath, he had a baby.

Jung Eunji had been his neighbor from the first day he moved into the towers. Although he hadn’t really thought of it much, he has always felt that she’d been the silent bystander, giving sidelong glances at all the drama going on in his life.

She’s seen him moving into the apartment, carrying all his bags over the stairwell since the elevator was out of order that day (to be gone off after giving him one of those looks of hers), she’s seen him bring a number of girl-friends to this apartment, she’s seen him getting dumped and coming home stinking drunk, sliding down to the floor by his front door and breaking into very unmanly tears.

The day he first brought Hayoung to his house, Eunji was crossing the corridor with grocery bags in her hands, looking completely unfazed by the sight of him kissing her against the door. And the day he announced of their marriage, she was also there, looking bored and seeming like she hardly gave a single ounce of care to the world. Eunji was in the lobby of the plaza, looking slightly alarmed when Sung Gyu had to carry Hayoung down the hallway when she was having the baby. When Miru was first brought home and when all the neighbors visited her, Eunji did so too, maintaining a straight face as if she wasn’t a slightest bit swayed by the arrival of a new member to the neighbor family. She got baby Miru an adorable little knitted shirt, which she loved very much so.

Then, when Myung Soo walked in to the complex with all his shine and glory, Eunji had passed by, giving Myung Soo a scrutinizing look, not one bit shook by his striking beauty. (And she was probably the only one, because Sung gyu himself was incredibly dismayed). The day Hayoung left the building, giving fake promises to everyone that she would soon return, Eunji had just stood in a corner with her laundry in a basket and an ever-straight face, the only truthful gesture in the entire ordeal. The moment Sung Gyu saw a photograph of Hayoung in a flimsy bikini, lying on the shore somewhere in Italy, a hand draped around Myung Soo, captioned _‘Freedom’_ with a flying leaf _(what did that mean, anyway? The leaf, that is)_ underneath and broke down to tears (yet again) while sitting in the darkness of the lobby one night, Eunji had been sitting among the shadows, listening to music but her gaze fixed on him. It was strange that Eunji’s been the silent onlooker of every significant detail of his life and still she didn’t mean much to him. It was strange that he never even knew her, not even enough to know that all this time, hidden behind her tight-lipped, quiet demeanor was a girl in constant suffering, desperate to be saved from herself.

Sung Gyu was glad beyond words that he went up to the rooftop that morning, even if it was to hang his baby’s clothes to dry before he went to work, because finally, finally, with one tiny gesture coming from him, after all these years, he was able to break down all the high walls around her.

After he successfully brought her down the ledge, across the rooftop, leaving the half-done laundry basket for later, Sung Gyu brought Eunji into his apartment. He knew it was a bad idea, because he’s always been wary of bringing strangers home, since he felt the sight of his personal space gave a deep insight to his personal life. But Eunji had just tried to kill herself, and she still refused to speak. She hadn’t many neighbors who were friends with her, and the memory of seeing Sung Gyu’s sister hanging in her bedroom five years ago was still fresh in his mind; It was the only way.

Four-year-old baby Miru was sound asleep in her room. She was no different from her father, and ever since her mother left, the need to be neat and tidy had long flown out their window. All over the floor were her toys strewn about, and if you happened to walk bare feet, you’d step on Legos and squeaky toys and half-nibbled crayon sticks half a dozens of times. Sung gyu led her through what was seemingly a battlefield, removed a pile of unfolded clothes from the sofa seat and made her some space to sit down and calm herself. She was appalled, slightly traumatized by the events of that morning. Sung gyu realized, with a pang, that suicidal people, when suicidal, were not really themselves; and when they were truly back to being themselves, they were horrified of what they previously were.

Eunji clasped her hands tightly in her lap and looked around herself, alarmingly disoriented by the new surroundings. The messy apartment room might not pull off as the most therapeutic sight to someone as herself, but he felt that having someone beside her at a moment as this might be helpful for her, at least to feel a sense of security, at least the knowledge that there was someone to stop the vicious demons from consuming her whole would make her feel safe. Sung Gyu stood there for a moment, helplessly just watching her, unable to figure out what to say or do.

That time when his sister committed suicide, he hadn’t much time to say anything to her before she took her final breath. He had cried and cried out her name numerous times, the only question he could ask was why. Why did she do this to herself? Why did she do this to him? Five years had passed since, and he never really got the answers for his questions. Why she did that was still a mystery, and the only answer he had was that she was a deeply sad and miserable person. And could he have helped? This particular question killed him every time he’d recall that day.

Yet, as he stood there, after having stopped a girl from doing the same thing as his sister succeeded in doing back then, after having done the one thing he couldn’t do for his sister, Sung Gyu was miserably failing in the saving process. What should he do now? Hug her again? Tell her things would be alright? Give her a speech on why she should value her life more? Call the police? Call the Samaritans? He was at a complete loss; therefore, instead of touching the sensitive topic to begin with, he cleared his throat and asked in a small voice; “Would you like some coffee, Eunji-Ssi?”

With a nod, she approved that the sole thing he asked was a good start.

The only sound in the house for the few minutes which followed after was the whirring of the coffee machine. Even while he was in the kitchen, Sung Gyu made sure he had his eyes on her, keeping her out of harm’s way. He wasn’t sure if she preferred her coffee with cream, or she’d like some sugar in it, and he was a little disoriented himself to ask. So he boiled some cream for her, poured some sugar into a pot, set it all on a tray with a couple of milk cookies and carried it into the living room. Eunji was sitting in the same spot he left her, hands hidden in her long sleeves, face concealed under the long curtains of hair on the either sides. He brought the mug towards her and patiently waited until she moved. As the clock ticked, her moving like a real living being seemed more important to him than anything else. He wanted her to move, to speak, to do anything. The one thing he feared the most was for anyone to be the lifeless corpse his sister happened to be the last time he held her.

A rustle came from the direction of the bedrooms, followed by the soft padding across the carpet floor. Sung gyu knew that sound all too well. It was as if she was coming to save Sung gyu from the awkwardness of the situation. Baby Miru emerged from the corridor leading to the bedroom, eyes squinted, pouting her lips. Her soft wavy hair stood in all directions and her baby blue pajamas were crooked. Sung Gyu smiled at the sight of her, naturally, and went over to pick her up in his arms before returning to the sofa set. Eunji had finally moved, which was a good thing. She was looking up at the baby with straight face, but her eyes have changed, like they always did when they came to life. They sparkled, and they were so much alive than they were earlier that morning. Sung gyu was relieved.

“Who is this?” Miru asked rather rudely, and Sung Gyu had to hold her chubby hand to prevent her from pointing.

“This is Aunty Eunji. She’s staying for breakfast with us” Sung Gyu said with a smile, and took a wary glance at the subject in question, whose eyes were saying that now, she didn’t approve of what he’d said.

“Really?” Squeaked the little girl, her sleepiness wearing off as quickly as her mood changed. “But why?”

Sung gyu frowned. “Because I asked her to”

Miru huffed her cheeks. “But why?”

“Because she’s a nice lady”

“But why?”

Sung gyu let out a sigh. “Mimi. Go wash your face, Daddy will be there soon”

Just as she was told, Miru slid off her father’s lap and skipped her way into the bathroom. She might be four, but Miru had pretty much grown up enough to take good care of herself. It was as if she understood that she’d have to grow up without a mummy (because of Sung Gyu’s complete inability to prevent all the women he loved from dumping him) which was good and saddening at the same time. Once she had disappeared into the bathroom, Sung Gyu turned back to their visitor, who was now staring down at her hands rather stiffly.

“Y-you should have something to drink…” Sung Gyu muttered, encouraging her to have her coffee since she still looked very pale. “You’d feel better”

Eunji nodded and slowly reached for the mug of coffee. Just as he had assumed, she liked it with cream and sugar, just like he himself did, and it made him smile for an odd reason. Hayoung never liked coffee, not with cream, nor sugar, not in any form or way. She liked tea. Preferably green, and tasteless, mostly aromatic. She thought coffee was for sad people. And now he knew what she meant.

After a few sips of coffee, Sung Gyu decided that it was his cue to gradually touch the problem. But as he wracked his mind, looking for the right question to start with, Eunji placed her mug down and said in a small voice. “She’s adorable”

And it took him a moment to realize that she was actually referring to the child.

It was his first time after so many years that he was actually hearing her voice in such a proximity. Eunji hardly spoke a word while her eyes completed that part for her, and she never seemed like she had much to say. The rumor had it that she was deaf and mute, which spread across the apartment complex until Eunji herself stepped out and cleared the doubts for everyone. She was basically a quiet ghost, looming within the shadows and judging everyone with her long, scrutinizing gaze. Although she might not look like it, Sung Gyu was certain that she knew everything about everyone. But what she clearly seemed to have missed out was that, even though she was isolated from the rest of the world, she was still a part of them. And while she was, everyone felt and acknowledged her presence as much as she tried not to let it happen, which also meant that she could never, ever disappear completely, from the face of the earth.

“Uh, y-yeah…” Sung Gyu nodded rather awkwardly, wishing that this conversation wouldn’t lead them to talk about Miru’s mother.

And it didn’t. Eunji continued to sip on her coffee, Sung Gyu continued to watch her. It was way past seven in the morning at that time, and Sung gyu had to drop Miru off at her kindergarten school by eight. Nonetheless, at that moment, he didn’t feel like leaving Eunji alone with the demons inside her. He was simply so afraid of having another one of his sister in his life. So he took the matter into his own hands.

“Eunji-Ssi…” he said, looked up and moved closer so the conversation remained between themselves.

“Eunji-Ssi, I understand that you’re in great deal of pain right now” he said in a mild voice, and Eunji stiffened at his tone, hands rigid, grasping tightly onto her mug. Sung Gyu continued. “I might not be the right one to be doing this, but I’m willing to reach out to you, to help you…and we can solve this one together…”

A moment of quietness passed, and Sung Gyu could catch the slight tremble in her arms. He had gotten to her, somehow, which was good for now. But then she wouldn’t let him continue any longer.

“Please” she whispered, and with trembling hands, she rested the mug on the table before them. “Please…don’t”

Sung gyu nodded, but his heart was telling him to go on. Don’t listen to her. It was the demons speaking, while the tiny, distressed life inside her, trapped under the all the surrounding darkness, wanted to be saved, desperately. She was crying out in misery, holding up a hand in vain. And it was this little person he was reaching out to.

“Please don’t…what?” he whispered back, searching in her eyes for an answer. Hers met his for one fleeting moment, and he could see the agony in them, a scorching fire, burning inside her. “Please don’t what, Eunji? What do you want me to stop?”

Her hands kept trembling, and Sung gyu had this fiery urge to reach out and hold them in his own until her nerves calmed down. It wasn’t the moment, however. He didn’t want to scare her away any further. She was already terrified of herself.

“Stop…asking, stop doing…. just stop” Eunji breezed in an alarmingly painful voice. It held so much of misery that Sung gyu could almost feel the apathy she must be feeling inside her. That desperation to escape from this endless tunnel of excruciating misery. He couldn’t understand her, but he could feel her through the look of her eyes. She was in so much of pain.

“If I stopped…” Sung Gyu gulped and raised his head. “If I stopped now…. nothing’s ever going to change…”

“They never do….” A soft, miserable denial. “T-they never do…”

Tears began to roll down her cheeks then, and sung gyu reached over to the pile of clothes and snatched one of Miru’s baby soft napkins, still scented of talc and detergent, and slowly pushed it into her fist.

“You wouldn’t know, unless we try…”

Eunji picked up the napkin and covered her whole face with it. As she breathed, and as the scent of Sung Gyu’s baby filled her lungs with every breath, her shoulders began to relax, the hands slowly softened, and she finally found the courage to cry again. She was crying her heart out to the rainbow and flower prints, tears dampening the material and darkening its colors. Sung Gyu decided to leave her to her moment, stood up and ruffled her hair, allowing his fingers to tenderly tangle up through her thick locks.

“Take your time”, he said, and disappeared through the corridor into the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

**_While giving_ ** his daughter her morning bath, completely aware that there was a suicidal person out in the mildly messy living room of his house, Sung Gyu thought of the things he could say to her. He had never done this before, not even if he had been a brother to a suicidal sister for twenty-five years. 

The truth is, he hadn’t ever really confronted her suicidal behavior before, understanding that it was a rather sensitive matter. And she had a therapist. She had her pills. She had her visits to the psychiatrist every two weeks, yoga sessions every once in a week and also a husband to look after her. In fact, Sung Gyu never saw the need of her to talk to her brother of her condition. To his perspective, everything about his sister were under control. She had to continue the medicine for another six months, the doctor had said, and with all her counselling, yoga and therapeutic sessions, she was seemingly making quite a bit of progress, and both his mother and himself had a heap of blind faith on her. The both believed that things were finally taking a better turn. And that’s why he had never had to talk her down a ledge of a building. She had never attempted suicide that desperately, not as much as she spoke of it, and he believed that it was good that she did. Sung gyu even listened to her. He believed in her. And he never thought that she would act upon it. That’s why, sitting in the bath with his baby girl playing in the bubbles, Sung Gyu couldn’t figure out what he could possibly say to a girl whom he had just spoken down from a fall to her death.

As he toweled Miru dry while she babbled on to him, Sung Gyu thought of the last time he spoke to Hayoung. The very last time, which was more than six months ago. She had phoned him up one evening when he lied in bed in utter misery and self-despair while Miru played with her Lego on the bedroom floor, and she told him the one thing which stayed with him until this day. That one thing which led him to break into tears again, and also to wipe them off on his sleeves rather bravely, gather his daughter in both his arms and tell her that he’d love her forever. Miru hated affection. She hated being kissed and hugged and being told that she was loved; for whatever reason, he could never tell. But at that moment, she just allowed things to happen. No crying. No moaning. No battling out of her father’ arms. Instead, she just nestled against his chest, put her arms around his neck and asked him to take her on piggy back. And that was that.

What she said to him made so much eloquent sense, and it meant so much to him, while the entire world had failed him miserably. It was that one phone call which stopped him from breaking into pieces every time he’d think of Hayoung and the misery she had left him in. In fact, it didn’t hurt him at all when he would think of her, which wasn’t as often now. It gave him a sense of accomplishment, even though he knew that it shouldn’t. Nonetheless, he knew that he had finally come to accept the reality more than anything else. That phone call from that night mattered.

That’s why, once he had toweled little Miru, powdered her and carried her to the living room to get her dressed from the pile of freshly dried clothes lying in the sofas, Sung Gyu said to Eunji who hadn’t moved an inch from where he left her, in a distracted voice; “I don’t know what exactly you feel about yourself, but personally speaking, I feel that people who try to jump off buildings have decided that they don’t want their lives any longer…”

Miru looked up at her father, her tiny eyes furrowed in confusion, and Sung Gyu gently eased her into her favorite T-shirt.

“You get what I mean right? When you don’t want something, you let it go. And sometimes, even if you do want something, if you feel you’re not good enough to take good care of it, you still let it go. That’s just human nature I think…. people are just afraid to love things that they’re afraid to lose, because they’re scared of the pain that comes after. And to cope with this pain they assume would come, they just let things go…” He sighed, picked Miru up and helped her into a pair of polka-dotted tights. He was quiet as he pulled the tight material up her tiny feet, and while he was distracted with this, Eunji had somehow moved closer to them, and the moment Miru lost her balance and clutched onto Sung Gyu’s hair, Eunji moved forward and caught her right in her arms.

“Careful…” She whispered. Sung gyu looked up, and smiled when he noticed how alive her eyes seemed that moment. They were dancing in blue flames, amounts of all sorts of feelings gathered in those dark eyes. Miru looked up at Eunji for a split second, then down at where she held her. Eunji was flustered for a moment, and she slowly retrieved her hands.. Miru quickly put her arms around her father’s neck, and he followed her silent request by picking her up and resting her on his lap. Then he proceeded to pull on her skirt over her head.

“After Miru’s mother left her, she called me up one day, many, many months later, to tell me this” He said, and arranged the skirt on the girl’s waist before he looked up at the other. Eunji just sat there, quietly waiting for what he had to say. A silent engagement. A wordless approval. Sung Gyu carried on, quoting the exact words he heard over the phone that day.

_ ‘Take good care of Miru for me. She’s my whole life, and I’m afraid if I wouldn’t be a good mother to her so I decided I should let her go. When she’s with you, she’s in better hands. I trust her with you more than anything else. I entrust my life to you, Sung gyu’ _

A moment of complete silence passed, and the both of them watched Miru as she eased her feet into a pair of glossy, pink ballet flats. Afterwards, she flew off to complete the rest of her morning routine, which was to grab a hair brush from wherever they’ve stashed it and wait until her father did her hair.

“D-do you…?” Eunji started, then. Her voice was breezy, soft and beautiful. “Do you think I am not taking better care of my life, Sung Gyu-Ssi?”

Miru flew back into the room and sat on her father’s lap. As he spoke, Sung Gyu distracted himself with brushing the girl’s soft, wavy hair. “Is trying to throw it down a ten storey building a better way to take care of it?”

“Maybe it is” Eunji breezed out, and this time, it was strong, rigid. “Maybe it is, for me. Because this is my life, and as it seems to me now, the right thing to give my life right at this moment, is an end to it”

“Do you really think that’s what you want, Eunji-Ssi?” He pried on, giving her a long look of concern. “It isn’t. it’s never so for a person who tries to die. Or to just about anyone. We all want to be saved, be loved, and live a good life. And trying to lie to yourself like this is nothing but a big mistake”

“How would you know?” Eunji muttered through her gritted teeth. “How would you know anything? Have you ever even been there before? Don’t be ridiculous and stop even trying…” She took one trembling breath and looked down at her hands which tightly held onto one another. “Please…just stop”

And he could have. He could have. He could just conclude this is the end of trying and maybe she’s not worth a try because thinking that the best way forward in this was to disregard everything and jump to the very end was a very, very stupid way decision making and also because she was uncharacteristically very stubborn for someone who’s needing help, but no, he didn’t. Sung gyu didn’t want to stop and walk away like he did back then, trusting her decision, thinking everything was going to be alright because the very attempt of talking someone around was so taxing for him, because he didn’t want the same thing from five years to repeat. He didn’t want to walk into through the building doors one day to see the police surrounding it, questioning everyone because one of the tenants had killed herself. He didn’t want to be the man who sat by his sister’s grave, stunned, silenced, traumatized that he never really did anything to save her. Sung gyu wanted to save her. Save her from the monsters trying to consume her against her will. He wanted things to end for her in the best way possible. And this wasn’t it.

“If I stopped” he said, and reached out behind Miru who still sat on him to place his hand on top of hers. Miru squirmed, stood up and ran away from the both of them. “If I stopped now, nothing will change, and all I would have in the end is regret”

Eunji shook her head at this, stared up at the little girl who definitely had everything in her life going on so much easier. A stray tear began to roll down her pale cheek. “It’s not that hard. It’s easy. It’s so easy…”

“You’d think that it is, but it isn’t” Sung gyu said, thinking back to the day he sat before his sister’s casket, his head in his arms, thinking why, and why until the quietness of the room provided him with the answers. “Believe me, I know”

Eunji sobbed loudly and clenched her fists until her knuckles turned white. “No you don’t”

“And I have gotten myself in this already, and there’s no way I’m walking away now. Not with you, like this…”

“You can just leave alone” She suggested, but her tearful voice didn’t exactly coordinate with what her words meant. “People do that all the time”

“I might not be one of those people, then” Sung gyu responded eagerly, watching as his daughter scurry across the house, looking for her bag which she must have put wherever. He then turned to look at Eunji, a new resolve coming to his mind. “I just save your life, Eunji-Ssi. You owe me that much”

Eunji’s tight lips implied that she wasn’t a least bit impressed by Sung Gyu’s failing attempts of persuasion. She shook her head and simply stared down at her feet. Sung gyu thought hard and long then, wondering what else he had left in his abundant list of nice thing to say to a sad, suicidal person, which wasn’t even a thing to exist. Then he looked into her eyes, the eyes which were again, slowly, losing its their life. He wanted to see them come to life again. Because he absolutely loved it. So he said to her the last of which he had left to say to her, even if it might not pull off as the most reassuring thing to say.

“I picked up what you wanted to throw away now, didn’t I? And you know what happens when people pick up things other people no longer want to keep?”

Eunji’s years perked up, and she turned to him, slowly, a look of confusion and what suggested that she had a deep impression that he might be losing the good sense of his mind etched across her face. 

“W-what…?”

Sung Gyu smiled and watched as Miru crawled out from under the kitchen table with her school bag in her hands. 

“They keep them. Finders, keepers” He said and turned around to give Eunji one of his gentlest smiles. “What would you like for breakfast, Eunji-Ssi?”

~*~

At the end of the day, Sung Gyu happened to fail (bravely) in many, many things. He couldn’t persuade Eunji to reconsider not taking her life, but she said something about him having killed the mood for it and disappeared into her own personal confines. Sung gyu didn’t have the heart to let her on her own at that time; all sorts of possible scenarios happened to wash into his mind. He fed Miru her favorite cereal, bread with butter and some cold apple juice, filled up on the same himself, and he carried her against his hip, her school bag dangling behind her and her feet hitting him above the knees. Then he went and knocked on the door next to Eunji’s and asked the quirky old lady to keep an eye on her neighbor for him since she was terribly unwell. She accepted, and he went to drop his daughter off to school, went to work good thirty minutes late, got told off by his boss, had a terrible start for the day and spent a good half of it, regretting the bit where he failed to get Eunji’s telephone number, the same ill scenarios from before were repeating in his mind.

That evening, he picked up his daughter from the day-care center while she was asleep, bought dinner for the two of them and went up to his empty, dark apartment, which to him always seemed like a pitiful innuendo to his somewhat hollow lifestyle. Miru refused to wake up for dinner and continued to sleep even as he gave her a bath, put her in clean pajamas and put her into bed. After all the strenuous bits of his daily after-work routine was completed, he washed up and got into sweats and a T-shirt himself, picked up his dinner and planted himself in front of the TV. He watched the news segment, habitually skipped on the sappy romantic dramas, leaned against the sofa while he sat on the floor. Then he reminisced the good and bad times of his life.

Around ten o’clock in the night then, his mother called up like she always did to check up on him. She did this every day, as if Sung Gyu was a lousy, pitiful loveless bachelor who needed a constant amount of love and affection to go on living. The phone call consisted of the same old, same old things.  _ How was Miru? She’s fine. How are you? I’m fine too. How was work? It was fine. How was school for Miru? It was fine, I guess. Did Hayoung call?  _ And just as naturally, Sung Gyu would go quiet at this point, wishing his mother would stop asking this question, which she never did and have continued to ask him for the past year. She had continued to do so even after he clearly laid it out to her that they had decided to go on separate ways. 

He didn’t want to push her any further, nonetheless. His mother has had lots of things going on in her life. Ever since his father died when he was only fifteen, in a cardiac arrest, it was her who took care of both himself and his sister, all with the courage and will she had to go on further, all for the sake of her children. She had been the pillar to him at moments when Sung Gyu felt like breaking into pieces and stopping, entirely, in going on living. She wasn’t the kind of a woman who’d give up that so easily, a trait which hadn’t, tragically, passed onto both her children. 

But Sung Gyu was glad that they at least had each other. Every time she would take their phone calls as an opportunity to lecture him on topics varying from single parenting to finding love again, Sung Gyu wouldn’t budge, wouldn’t complain, or urge her to cut off the line and leave the topic to be discussed on another time. He listened. He just listened. And once she was done, he’d tell her that he loved her and then the conversation would be gone, only to begin the next day.

On this night, however, things were rather different. Sung Gyu didn’t go on to fill her up on the events from that morning because, ever since his sister died, death and anything associated with it had been a highly sensitive topic between them. Instead, he let her tell him about the nice lady she met over at the dentist today who had planted a golden tooth on her jaw like he himself had and how she thought the two of them would make quite a terrific match. It wasn’t the first time she had done this, and it wasn’t the first time he was listening to her telling him something like this so he listened to her patiently, quietly, although he had absolutely no intention to get married to a girl with a golden tooth in her jaw, all until the alarm of his front door began to ring.

In the beginning it was calm and regular with a ten second interval between the first and the next rings. During this time, Sung Gyu took a glance at the door and then at Miru, worried if the sound would wake her up. Then he returned to the phone call while making his way across the hall. The next time the bell began to ring again, it was almost frantic, going on and on like a police siren, a desperate call which was alarmingly strange at a time like this. Immediately, Sung Gyu thought of Eunji. Eunji on the top of the tower, Eunji with her arms held up against the wind. Eunji with her tears staining her cheeks, Eunji trying to die. He hurried towards the door then, and to the phone he said; “Mum, someone’s at the door, I have to go, talk to you later, I love you”

He couldn’t even wait to hear her saying that she loved him return because the frantic ringing started again. He wanted to see if it had woken up the child, but at that moment, checking the door seemed to be more important. He unlocked it, wrenched it open with such an intensity that he himself lost his balance and almost flew off his feet. He left it open completely, and standing before him, her face stained with tears was Jung Eunji, a look of appalling distress clouding her eyes. She lifted a hand then, to wipe the tears off her face. What was left there when her hand dropped, took Sung Gyu by utmost terror.

His heart stopped, and he took a cautious step back as if the distance between them would make the dreadful sight go away. “Oh my god...Eunji-Ssi”

“Help me” Eunji sobbed, a tiny desperate cry which shattered his heart to pieces. At that moment, who spoke to him was the trembling little life inside her. “Help me, Sung Gyu-Ssi...I don’t want to die”


	3. Chapter 3

**_Deep_** **_cuts_** and crummy slits on wrists were nothing new to Kim Sung gyu. Years back, he had spent similar nights as now, huddled in the shadows of his bedroom and working with squinted eyes under the streetlights seeping in through the window, trying to calm his sister down as she trembled in fear, her hand slit roughly along her cold, pale skin after each of her falls. And she fell quite often too. Not like you fall off the bicycle in your first ride or fall off a tree house while trying to climb up a swinging rope. It was a deep, bottomless black pit that she fell in to. She had explained to him once, how it felt like to be trapped in there. Those were the same words he had heard every time he had asked her why she cut herself. The black and hollow abyss, a long endless tunnel that she was dying to escape. Perhaps, dying, for them, was the only escape. Unless someone willingly brought a light into it.

And they never cut with the intention of dying, though death was the bottom line of it. They cut to stop the pain in their hearts. Maybe it diverted the pain, or the physical pain on their arms overpowered that in their minds that they canceled off one another until all they felt was the harsh detachment. But the cuts, not well executed  _ -never- _ seemed pretty painful for him. They always do those so vigorously. Not a single one. Not a cut deep enough to kill. It’s always a series of shallow lines with pinkish edges and an intense cry of pain in just the way they’ve painted them. Sung Gyu had always tried to imagine what his sister must have had in her mind while she did that to herself. He had asked her as she gently wrapped the bandage around the cuts that he had secretly tended to. It was the same answer she’s given him still. It was always the same.  _ ‘I didn’t want to die’ _ . And it never supplied the answer that he needed. It never answered the question ‘why’.

That night, after Eunji had come to him with a bloodied wrist and a tear stained face, begging for him to help her, all Sung gyu could do was recall the times his sister had done the same so many years ago and simply follow the same thing he did back then, which was to wordlessly comply. He led her into his house rather carefully, sat her down in the sofa and whispered to her to stay still until he brought the necessary things. Making sure he made absolutely no sound which would wake Miru up (Miru was a strong kid for her age, but he still didn’t want her to have the scarring image of a bleeding hand in her untainted little mind) he filled a basin with warm water, grabbed a few towels and the first aid kit. He brought them into the living room and sat on the floor before her.

The two of them were quiet as he tended to her cuts. The wounds were strikingly similar to the ones he remembered. Yet he saw a strange uniqueness in the way the cuts were slanted to a side while his sister’s were always wriggly and lined along the length of her wrist. Eunji’s were slanted to a side, and she’s cut them across her wrist. Was it usual that they had their own unique way of cutting themselves?

Eunji hissed softly as the towel soaked in warm water finally touched her skin. But Sung gyu was careful enough to not to let it press on the wounds. He avoided them rather skillfully and wiped off the still fresh blood spilled out of them, painting her fair skin. The cuts were suddenly red, raw and painful once the crimson was wiped off them. He applied disinfectant, and was glad that they didn’t need stitches. Sung Gyu knew, for a fact that when they do this and come asking for help, the last thing they needed for you to do was drag them to the hospital. Things like that should never happen against their consent. The first time they did this mistake, his sister had to see a psychiatrist and they had to file a police report on attempted suicide; she got recommended rehabilitation and everything else that made her feel sick and disoriented at that time. All of that song and dance did not stop her from cutting herself again. The second time she did, however, she came to his room and begged him to not to tell anybody. It was an advice he had since followed through and through.

After having treated the wounds, Sung Gyu slid onto the sofa beside her and slowly wrapped a clean white bandage around her hand, careful not to put too much pressure on her skin. As he did, he thought of what he told her earlier that day, and said in a mild voice. “I tend to be quite ridiculous when I say things to people whom I reckon are quite sensitive…it just comes naturally”

Eunji looked at him in the darkness of the room, the same scrutinizing gaze, and Sung Gyu had to clear his throat. “You know, when I said about…” he carefully placed her bandaged wrist in her lap and looked up to meet her eyes. “What I tried to say was that you should really reach out to people, ask for their help and rely on them, because it’s the best way ahead…” He pursed his lips and his eyes focused on a darkened corner in the room. “You don’t have to fight this battle on your own, Eunji. There are plenty of people who’d give you a hand of support any day”

She was quiet for a moment, staring down at her wrist in new found appreciation. Her fingers gently danced along the bandage, as if it was something she’s seeing for the first time. Sung Gyu waited patiently. He let her take her time since it was something vital he should do. After a while, she finally looked up at him. And strangely, there was a tiniest hint of a smile. “Ridiculous is good” she said, and as if in reluctance, her smile grew wider, and then it turned into a sad curve. “I understood what you meant”

Sung gyu pursed his lips and nodded. “So, what do you think?”

Eunji took her time to contemplate things, the engines in her head were whirring and running, putting the words in order, processing them, analyzing them and bringing out what the answer should be.  

“You’re sad yourself” she mumbled, and raised her head, looking up at the ceiling above them. “You have a daughter. You live on your own…and I have seen you cry”

And Sung Gyu knew that she had. She’s been the quiet onlooker of his constant life-cycle of getting dumped and breaking into tears at his doorstep. She’s seen him going through all the good and bad things in life. But then, it didn’t bother him. Sung gyu might be sad. But he also had a few things to be happy about. And he never really had the intent to die. His sadness, though being persistent, had never extended to that point of despair.

“Nobody’s  _ not _ sad, Eunji” He said mildly, his gaze softened along with his words. “Nobody is ever completely happy about their lives. But some of us choose to live through it. Some of us choose to go on living for the sake of ones whom we love. We find a reason to go on. We find ways to cope with it”

He reached out his hand and placed it tenderly on hers. “I’m not telling you to not to do it. I know how hard it can get. I’m only asking you to give it some more thought, find coping resources, maybe. See if you do still have a reason to go on living. I don’t want to come off as a selfish person trying to stop someone from doing what they’re so desperate to do. But judging by how things have happened at this moment, I strongly feel that you really don’t want to die. It’s just really not the end”

Eunji looked at him from the corner of her eyes, and he could see them red and raw, rimmed with tears. “How would you know….?”

Sung Gyu smiled and squeezed her hand gently. “Because I just do”

~*~

Sung gyu offered to make a mug of coffee for her after then, and this time, he made it with Sugar and cream and poured it into the only other mug which he had other than his own. It was previously owned by Hayoung, although she hardly had aromatic tea in a mug. He picked up a few cookies and set it all down in a tray, carried it to the living room, and set it all down before sitting on the sofa beside her. Then he picked up his own mug, had a sip and watched as Eunji, with rather reluctant hands, take a hold of her own.

“When I first got married to Hayoung,” Sung gyu said to Eunji then, bearing in mind that she has seen it all from the sidelines, and looked up to meet her eyes. “I really thought my life was finally falling into track. I’ve been a sad person all my life. But I suddenly was not one after she happened. Even more so after Miru did. In fact, it’s the happiest that I’ve ever been. I thought I finally found momentum at that point. To find happiness in the little things in life. To just live…but then…” He trailed off, took a long sip of the warm beverage and recalled back to the day when his wife walked out those doors to never return.

“The momentum disappeared” Eunji supplied. But it didn’t fit quite right. He breathed soundly, trying to put things together in his mind, and then shook his head. “Not entirely” He said, and looked up to meet her eyes. “The drive that I had at that moment, I’d say was stronger than it is now. But it never disappeared. The thing is, though; had Hayoung left on her expedition, carrying Miru with her, then I would have lost that momentum and purpose in life forever…” He thought about it for a moment, then and tilted his head. “I would have considered throwing my life down a building as well…”

Eunji sighed and fingered the rim of her mug. “So I’m not the only one…”

“But no, I wouldn’t have acted upon it” He interjected her before she could assume any further. “It would only last as long as a mere thought does, because then I would have thought of my mother. But if Hayoung snatched my mother away from me as well, I still wouldn’t have done it. I know Hayoung left me. But that doesn’t necessarily mean she’d rather have me dead, now does it?”

Eunji pursed her lips, deep in her thoughts, and her hands tightened even more on the warm mug of coffee. She nodded her head. “But the circumstances here are much different” She said.

Sung Gyu was relieved that he had taken an effective entrance to the whole healing process rather than prancing into it. He didn’t do anything which would change her mind, regardless. He remained quiet, and by this silence he urged her to carry on.

“I think my mother and my boyfriend would rather have me dead” she said.

The tone of her voice, as she said this, has gone an octave lower, and he saw the slight tremble in her arms as if holding that mug was the only thing which would stop her from shaking and perhaps losing herself completely. Sung Gyu kept his own mug aside, moved closer so that their knees were touching; as if their close proximity would be of any consolation to her. “Why do you think so?”

Eunji let out a small, childlike sob. “I just know so” She said, looked down into the content of the mug and continued. “That reminds me…you told me about how people let go of things that they’re afraid to lose, thinking that someone else would take better care of it?”

“Hm?” Sung Gyu nodded. “What about it?”

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and took her time to gather her mind. Right at that moment, she looked beautiful. Angelic. And for once, with her eyes closed, Sung Gyu could actually read her innermost emotions. He could see right through her without seeing into the mirrors of her eyes. And it was ethereal. He himself, took a long, deep breath; restraining himself from reaching out and holding her to wash that pain away.

“When I was still young” She began, and finally fluttered open her eyes. “After my younger sister was born, my mum did exactly that” she sighed at this point, as if recalling this memory was physically exhausting. 

“She gave her away to someone. I don’t know whom, because I was still very young back then. When I asked, she said my sister was too much a hassle for her. I cried then, I remember that quite clearly. I grew up as an only child to a neglecting mother and an abusive father. When my sister was born, I thought I finally had someone to share my life with. But then, in a matter of days, she was given away to someone. That day, I resented my mum. I resented her for a long time. I became an aggressive child, and it often angered my dad, and the amount of beating I got from him just increased. My mum did try to protect me, but she was hopeless against him. It only made me more violent; towards my mother, my father. Just about everyone…” she was in tears then, and her voice was getting smaller and smaller until it was the voice that Sung gyu had imagined for the trembling little inner being of her to have. He had the burning urge to hold her in his arms and allow her to cry on his shoulders. But he also knew that she wanted to release all her pain from her mind. Now just wasn’t the right time.

“It was when I turned fourteen that I realized why my mum gave my sister away to someone. It all suddenly made sense” She continued, and sobbed so loudly that it broke his heart. “My dad…he touched me. He touched me in a way that no father should touch their own daughter…he ruined me, completely. I might as well have been dead by then”

Something broke inside him at that moment. Something just snapped, completely, and he felt his stomach churning at her words, at the sense they made, at everything. He clenched his fists, and in his mind there were all sorts of scenarios running. 

As a father for a daughter himself, Sung Gyu understood how much he meant for her. Things must have been different for her, having a mother and also him being abusive towards her. Yet, there’s nothing,  _ nothing _ which could justify a father, or any man being physically and mentally harmful to a little girl. They should be naturally entitled to the same kind of suffering that they’ve put those young girls through. Or even more so. 

He couldn’t hold himself back then. As he looked into her eyes now, he could see that little girl in her. Shattered and broken, her childhood and innocence snatched away from her. He could see her trembling in fear, tender and small, searching for warmth to curl in for comfort she’s never felt before. His fatherly instincts bloomed inside him before even he could stop himself. Sung gyu suddenly wanted to protect her, like he would a little child.

“Oh Eunji-Ssi” he whispered, moved towards her and gently folded her in his arms. And she melted into him, almost naturally, found her solace in the eternal warmth of his embrace. He could feel her grasp onto his shirt, and her tears seeped through the material onto his skin. She sobbed almost soundlessly, and she let him.

“Ssh, It’s okay now. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to” he murmured into her hair, which strongly smelled of the early spring breeze.

“No” Eunji responded and shook her head against him. She pulled away then, and wiped her face with the back of her hands. Sung Gyu reached out, picked out another one of Miru’s old flannel napkins and pushed it into her hand. She looked down at the adorable, faded little teddy prints on it, and it made her smile. Eunji smiling, with her face still contorted with tears, was oddly breathtaking. 

“T-they’re so cute” She mumbled and pressed her face into it. “And it still smells like a baby”

Sung gyu smiled and gently ruffled her hair. “That’s because she still is” He said.

She smiled back, more to herself; and her fingers slowly traced the bear patterns on the napkin, deep in her thoughts. Sung Gyu moved further away from her, giving her space to herself and also relieved that she was finally pretty much back to herself, if not, a little better, and patiently waited for her to continue.

“I hated her” Eunji said, and her voice was then a little tougher than before. “I hated her after that. I hated my sister even more. The sister whom I didn’t even know. It’s just that…after that happened, I strongly felt that the only purpose of mum giving her away for adoption was to protect her from what my father was capable of. And she was unable to do that for me. I asked her, on and on why she couldn’t do that to me as well. I know, it’s selfish in a way. But the pain I had to go through was much stronger; and thinking that it’s my mother who married him and stayed with him regardless of what he did to us, it was all fair from my part.” She paused to take a deep breath and shook her head in disapproval, possibly of her mother’s vile decision at that time.

“She said she thought she could protect me, and that if there were two of us, she would never have been able to protect us both. Like you said, she entrusted her for better care…but then she couldn’t do it for me. Neither could she protect me. It was clear that, more than the hope of protecting me, the true intention of her raising me was to give herself a reason to go on living. You get what I mean? By convincing herself that she had a child to protect, regardless of her doing it or not, she gave herself fake reassurance that she had to pull through all of it, and also that she could” Another shake of head in disapproval, and in her face was a look of anger, sorrow and pure resentment. “The real monster in this whole thing is her, you know. The biggest monster is my mum...”

Sung Gyu’s hand slowly patted on her arm in an attempt to sooth her. “D-did your mum…know about what happened?”

“Of course” Eunji nodded, her voice regained that strength. “I told her. Not only did I tell her; I made a whole mess out of it. I went to the police, confessed everything, got my dad arrested, and stayed in rehabilitation for two years. I missed years of my school education, lived in loath, anger and self-pity. And after all of that, I had to come out and back to my mother. She was,  _ she is _ , all I have”

“And where is she now?” He asked after having his doubts cleared of her being still alive.

“In an elder’s home in the suburbs.” Eunji responded, and by her tone Sung gyu could say that she honestly didn’t give much care. “She’s not old so to say to be staying at an elder’s home. She’s working there. Taking care of the old people and earning for herself. Sometimes she sends me a grand. And I spend it all in a whim because I don’t even want her in my life, let alone her money”

Sung Gyu pressed his lips in a tight line, thinking of his own mother, calling him up every night, just to check his well-being and talking up girls all for his sake. It’s strange how two mothers could be so different. Yet again, she sent her money; and you couldn’t possibly earn a lot from working at an elder’s home, so that money she sent had to mean something. But for that moment, it seemed like a problem he should rather evade talking. After all, he didn’t know her, he didn’t know Eunji as much as she knew him. And all that he did know was in courtesy of Eunji, and all of it could be biased to some extent, given that it came from the girl who had so much hatred towards her mother.

“You don’t contact her much often?” he pressed on. Eunji shook her head.

“Hardly” She gave a mono syllabled response. “The only good thing was that she isn’t the kind of a mum who gets drunk and passes out on roads…also she really, genuinely is regretting things….” And on an endnote, she added. “And I’m glad she’s having that entire mental suffering on her own. I hope she’d go through the trauma that I did. I really, really hope she’d regret not giving me away until the end of her life”

Sung gyu had never heard anyone speak of a mother with so much of spite, ever in his life. And so it gave him the impression that the trauma that Eunji had gone through was much worse than he could imagine. Perhaps it was fair that she felt that way towards her. Perhaps, the fact, or idea that her mother was suffering was giving her even a smallest bit of consolation to have had gone through something so terrible and still lived. 

The thing is, Sung Gyu could never tell. He just couldn’t. Sung Gyu himself was brought up in an ordinary family. They weren’t very well off, but they had enough. And while his father was still alive, him being their happy pill while Sung Gyu was a little dull and boring at that age, the four of them really hadn’t much to worry about. Perhaps that’s why his death brought on so much of pressure to them, especially to his sister who was the closest to his father. Perhaps it was the reason why she fell into a state of depression. 

Yet, now that he thought of it (assuming that Eunji was also diagnosed of the same, terrible sickness) his sister’s and Eunji’s problems were simply incomparable. And as much as he refrained comparing and seeing who had it worse; it happened, all too naturally. The obvious answer was, just as he imagined, her; Eunji. Then what was it that which led his sister to take her life while Eunji had escaped it, as of now, perhaps, more times than once? He thought it was the reasons they had to live for; but while Eunji seemed to have absolutely none, his sister had plenty. He thought it was the lack of coping mechanisms. Yet again, his sister had a lot more than Eunji seemingly had. It was a question he’d rather have no answers to, however. Because he knew, if he thought of it now, he’d wish he had done something for his sister than he ever did. He’d wish, god forbid, his sister had whatever the luck that Eunji did.

But Sung Gyu wouldn’t speak of any of this. He simply shoved all these thoughts into the gutter and prepared himself to help her through in all the possible ways. In a few hours, he had to wake up for work, hang the clothes he couldn’t hang up to dry earlier that day, take Miru to school and do all the usual fatherly work he had to do every day. He was sleepy and exhausted. He could sit here and dream of the comfort of his bed and drift off in a matter of seconds. But at that moment, Eunj, sitting there with her life balanced on the edge of a blade was more important than anything. For now, his intent was to stop another tragedy as of his sister from repeating. And he was already hell bent on doing that.

He continued to ask her questions; but rather than touching the sensitive topic of mothers, which he was finding quite hard to cope with, he asked about her boyfriend instead.

She wasn’t reluctant to disclose any details of her failed relationship. He was shocked at first, at how blunt and even unconvincing she could be about it. “I dumped him” she said, and Sung Gyu couldn’t exactly pinpoint what he felt about it, after having been the consecutive dumped person for as long as he remembered. He tried to be unbiased about it. Rather, he convinced himself that this man was worth being dumped, and was nothing more of a sweetheart than himself.

And he was right.

“He said he’d date me but never marry me, one day” Eunji explained her reason to have dumped this boyfriend of hers. “Because he had someone else in mind as a potential marriage partner” she was pulling at the edges of the napkin as she said this, and Sung gyu could see her obvious wrath towards this person by the way she had contorted the stitches of the cloth, and she didn’t even know what she was doing.

“I mean; I might have had…problems in my life. But I had left them all behind now. I’m trying to live an ordinary life; I’m  _ trying. _ Besides, what’s so bad about me to not to marry me? I cook, I earn. I don’t look too bad. What did she have better than me for her to be more of a suitable candidate?”

Eunji’s grumbles were cute, even though she was telling him about a rather serious problem. He just watched her, fighting a smile from his side, and had to return to a complete, hard-eyed frown when she turned towards him, asking for his opinion.

“You date a girl with the intention of marrying her, right? It’s the bottom line of it. It’s like the whole point of getting a girlfriend. What’s the point of having one if you’re going to dump her for a wife, right?”

Sung gyu blinked, surprised by how animated she suddenly was after all the grieving had subsided. Her eyes were alive again. And they were dancing. They were inflicting so many different emotions; from sadness, to anger to hatred to grit. Just looking at her confused his own feelings that he took a while to realize that he was supposed to offer his opinion. He cleared his throat, and thought about all the girls he’s gotten dumped by. There were so many of them. He was surprised himself.

“Well, marriage is the ultimatum of a romantic relationship” he said dumbly. “So I suppose it’s vital that you consider marriage first before you find a romantic partner. I mean, these relationships do fall apart, for obvious and sometimes inevitable reasons. But if it was a case like yours, well then, it shouldn’t have happened the first place”

“Exactly my point” Eunji responded.

“So what did you do?”

“I asked him to go and fuck himself. Then I walked away”

Sung gyu felt a giggle coming up his throat, and he suppressed it with much effort.

“So did he?”

“No” Eunji shrugged. Her face fell, and all the animation she had just a while ago began to slowly dissipate. “I stopped talking to him. Basically, I cut him off my life. But then…he started going berserk. He keeps troubling me. Even now. Endless phone calls and constantly trying to contact my friends and stalking me all the time” She sighed and leaned back into the sofa, finally letting the napkin fall into her lap. “He stays outside where I work until I got out of it, walks behind me and keeps asking me things like, ‘Do you still love me?’, ‘What did I do wrong?’ like he doesn’t know anything. I try to avoid him in the best way I could. But it’s getting out of hand”

She looked up to meet his gaze, and Sung gyu looked back at her, her hopeful eyes were searching, as if he was the only source of support that she had. “Now he has gotten his friends to threaten me over the phone. They say that they’d kidnap me, and stuff like that. I’m so worried. And I have the impression that he’d either have me dating him, or have me killed”

Sung Gyu nodded, realizing that he’s much worse of a dumped boyfriend than Sung gyu has ever been. The last time Sung gyu went to that extent of stalking was years ago, and all he did was calling the girl’s then boyfriend and asking him if he was sure the girl was having it any better than before. And it didn’t end up well either.

“Have you tried to, like, talk about it properly? Like, tell him that you want to end things?” He asked, because, in his experience, not getting a closure was the start of all the desperate ex-boyfriend stalking.

“I thought telling him to fuck off did give him a fair idea”

Sung Gyu almost face palmed himself. No. he actually did.

“So that’s all you told him? Just go and fuck himself, that’s it?”

“Well…” Eunji pouted, and shrugged, casting her eyes downwards, a simple and a clear implication that she had indeed, done exactly that. Sung gyu was kind of glad that now this was the kind of a problem that he could actually solve, with his abundance of experience himself.

“Eunji, that’s exactly the problem” Sung Gyu said, his voice coated in gravity and he leaned forward, imagining that it would actually knock some sense into her. “He never got a  _ closure _ . You never  _ gave him _ a closure. In his mind, you two are still together. A fight doesn’t really end anything. And us men tend to chase after it until we’ve gotten the answers”

Eunji continued to pucker her lips, which was adorable and kind of made Sung gyu feel all kinds of things. But she looked like she needed serious help in this department. Men are probably the most sensitive creatures in the whole biological organisms’ system. And him, as a man who had experienced the unfairness of women’s ambiguity one too many times, could clearly understand that.

“Look. The thing is, Eunji, for men a relationship isn’t over until you  _ say _ it’s over. And you got to do it the right way. Telling him to go fuck himself doesn’t exactly make the cut”

She made a face. “Then what does?”

“Long and detailed explanations. A last cup of coffee. Slamming the ring on the table. Clearly stating that you’re done with him and on an endnote,  _ ‘Don’t call me, don’t message me, don’t drop me to the bus stop, don’t even breath the same air as I do’ _ , and walking away, might help” he said.

Jung Eunji laughed at this. She actually did. Her head was thrown back, her eyes squinted and forming crescent moons. Her bangs had fallen to a side and her mouth was wide open, revealing a pearly white set of teeth (Minus a gold tooth) and it was all kinds of nice and beautiful. Perhaps, it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen for a very long time. Her laughter was loud, chilled and merry. Like a nice, drizzly cold rain in a scorching hot summer day. It was refreshing and breathtaking. Sung Gyu could sit down and listen to it every day.

“You’re so funny, Sung Gyu-Ssi” She wheezed once her hysterics had finally died down. “You really are. And it made my day”

Sung Gyu looked at the clock which read the time as already past twelve. It was the beginning of another day. So he smiled. “I’m glad I did”

She nodded, and went quiet for a while, a slightest of a smile was gracing her soft, pink lips. Sung gyu waited too, and as he did, he looked at her. He stole glances of her, rather. And it made his heart do funny things. So he looked away.

“You know what, Sung Gyu-Ssi?” She murmured in the end, and Sung Gyu had to will himself to turn around and look at her while simultaneously not feel intimidated by it. “Hm?” he encouraged her.

“I wish all the people could be as nice as you” she said. Sung Gyu felt his heart beat rise, which was rather strange; and blood descended to his face, turning both his years red. It’s been years since anyone said something so nice to him. In fact, the last time someone did, it was Hayoung. And it was the message she gave him over the phone, which stayed with him. And somehow, he realized, quite later that is, that these simple words from her, he’d probably carry them with him for a long, long way.

The night had to end soon, then, when Sung Gyu let out a huge, unexcused yawn, with tears forming in his eyes due to sleep deprivation. Eunji had a good laugh at his expression as well, which was a good way to end a long, tiring, and a rather peculiar day. But Sung Gyu was still reluctant to let her off on her own, regardless of her good mood which was liable to change any moment now. So as Sung Gyu stood up and gathered the half-emptied coffee mugs along with the untouched cookies, he said; “You can stay over here, you know…” 

The moment he caught her eyes, Sung Gyu realized that he might have phrased it all wrong. So he added quickly, in an attempt of controlling the damage; “I mean. I’m a bit worried about you to leave you by yourself. I’d rather if I could keep a close eye on you”

Eunji’s face softened; and the look in her eyes gave them life. “Why are you putting so much trouble on yourself?” She asked mildly. “And I don’t want to trouble you”

_ ‘Because I want you to live’ _ he wanted to say.  _ ‘Because I don’t want events from five years ago to repeat themselves’ _

Instead, however, he picked up the tray and proceeded to carry them in to the kitchen. “You can sleep in Miru’s room. You don’t mind right?” he called from the kitchen, straining his ears to hear her response. “I’ll carry Miru to mine, it’s not a problem”

There was a moment of silence, and a small voice responded to him from the doorway of the kitchen.

“Anything will be fine”


	4. Chapter 4

**_The plan of her_ ** sleeping over at his place continued for the next two days as well. It was quite refreshing, nonetheless. It gave him a good, relaxing feeling which he was also too afraid to acknowledge. For one, it’s been years since he last walked into the kitchen to find a woman working, actually working in there. Eunji prepared breakfast for all three of them for three consecutive mornings; and it wasn’t just the same old bread and butter and cereals the two of them have been having for over a year now. 

Eunji prepared proper home-made traditional breakfast, with her heart and soul put into it. It's been ages since he last had such an array of food for breakfast. His mother had done this for him quite a few times when she’d come over; which she hadn’t after she moved in with one of his aunts who lived quite far from where he lived. And Eunji’s cooking was nice too. It had this nice, warm and homey feeling to it, to have her serving them every morning this way. She kept saying that it was only her paying her gratitude to him for being so kind to her; but still Sung Gyu always felt like he owed something bigger for all that she did.

Eunji worked at a record studio. Or rather, she owned one. Her one and only dream, since childhood, was to be a singer, become popular, and rise to the stardom. But with all the difficulties in life, she fell back while climbing up the ladder. And like they say how you fall into a cloud when you aim to a star, Eunji ended up becoming a recording artist herself. She said she composed small pieces of music and sold them to small  _ Youtube _ artists and indie groups in the town. She also rented out the record studio for them; whereby they recorded their pieces for a small grand, made a few copies and lined up in front of entertainment agencies or concert venues of popular bands and boy or girl groups to slip a copy of their original music to an agency representative. Eunji said she didn’t know how many times this had worked out. Some groups returned to her to record another piece. Some returned with smiles and occasional gifts and gratitude for her hard work. Some didn’t return at all; simply dissipating into the shadows of the darkened alleys on the way to the stardom. It wasn’t exactly a selling job, according to her. But it earned enough to feed her and pay the rents. Also, since it was something that she absolutely loved doing, it didn’t have to be fulfilling in every aspect. For her, it was enough.

She also promised to take him to see it, one of those days, and he really wished that one day would come.

On Friday of that week, Sung Gyu decided to really put all his rescue plans into act. After having put Miru to bed, he and Eunji sat in the narrow confines of the kitchen, surrounded by the dirty plates and empty food wrappers, and he pulled out his laptop computer, produced a stack of papers and got down to work.

“Are you going to make me do your bank ledger?” Eunji asked curiously as the two of them waited for the computer to start up.

“Not exactly” Sung gyu said, and put on his wire rimmed spectacles. Everyone has told him that they looked really good on him, that he decided to keep them on instead of going for contacts so that he could check his prospects with women again. Also he kind of liked the nerdy look that they gave him. When he looked at Eunji under those glasses, he could see that his plan had been indeed effective. Eunji had turned slightly red. 

“So what’s it?” she breathed out. Sung Gyu picked up the pen, pulled the papers towards him and drew a straight vertical line right in the middle of the paper. On the right side, he wrote; ‘ _ Problems to be solved’ _ . On the other side he wrote. ‘ _ Coping mechanisms’ _ .

Eunji read the content and frowned. “What exactly are we doing?”

“Some therapeutic, psychological stuff” he said and pulled the computer towards him. Before he proceeded to type in his search, he asked her as soon as it occurred to him. “Ah, by the way, Eunji. You are seeing a psychiatrist, right?’

From all the nightly conversations he had had with her during the past two days, he had a vague memory of her mentioning this.

Eunji nodded in response. “Yeah…well, although I hate going to him, he just keeps pestering me. He’s very persistent…” A moment of silence. “Also, he’s nice” she added.

“What’s his name?” Sung Gyu asked rather distractedly.

“Jang Dong Woo. He’s not that popular, but he’s the son of the doctor I consulted while I was in rehab”

“That’s good” he said, and then continued to type in what he was initially planning to. “You see, I was going through things that we could do together if you want to, you know, have things sorted out. But they say that you need a balance of things between pills, therapy and day-to-day coping and support. So I couldn’t really start anything unless you’re already in the process of taking pills and therapy”

He cleared his throat and asked in an afterthought. “Do you think I can trust you about you attending your therapy sessions and taking your pills daily? Or should I just contact your doctor?”

Eunji just shrugged, and it provided him all the answers he needed, so he pestered her himself and finally got down the doctor’s number to call him at a later time.

“I don’t think we should go down into all the scientific details which you might already know” he explained as he scrolled down the content on his computer. “Let’s just get down to the important bits. To start off…. well, suicidal feelings…”

The two of them worked on it for a while. Sung Gyu explained to her, based on what he had read, what these suicidal thoughts were all about and how they appeared when her problems couldn’t balance out with coping mechanisms; like a math equation. If her mind was a two-sided scale, the more problems you had, the more depressed and dragged down you’d be, which leads into hostile thoughts of ending yourself. To prevent this, you find ways to deal with these, which were the coping mechanisms. The more you have them, the lesser you’d be liable to be dragged down. These mechanisms included therapy, counselling, problem solving as well as spending time with friends and family, making the people around you understand your condition, keeping your physical health and hygiene positive, regular check-ups, taking your pills correctly, and so on. He had her list them down on the paper he prepared, which she did, complaining that he was being unreasonably like a school teacher, and once that part was done, they returned to the part where the problems present were concerned.

“Why do we have to do this like a college research?” Eunji further grumbled on. “And I haven’t even been to college. These stuff are difficult”

Sung Gyu smiled. “Well, you can’t expect any less from a bank manager”

“Tsk, like it matters” She pouted, and started to draw stick figures around their very important document.

“So, to begin with, what do you think are problems in your life? What makes things difficult for you?”

Eunji thought long and hard and said. “Mmm, math?”

Sung Gyu rolled his eyes. “This is serious, Eunji” he said, snatched the pen from her hand and wrote;  _ ‘Not in good terms with mum’  _ in the _ ‘problems to solve’  _ section _. _

“What else?”

This time, Eunji responded with graveness and honesty. “Woohyun”

Sung Gyu pressed the pen to the paper, yet retracted, slightly perplexed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That’s my crazy, stalking boyfriend” Eunji said, sounding as if it was something he should have known from the very beginning.

“That’s his name?” 

“Yup.” Eunji nodded. “Also, he’s one of the guys who comes to the record studio, and has been passing his originals to agency representatives for years now” she picked at her fingers as she spoke with much concentration. 

“He has a good voice. But the problem is with his genre. I mean, dance music is good; but he goes better with ballads. I have told him this a lot of times. But he’s so obtuse. And he’s too short to have a big head like that. That’s probably why he never made the cut”

“Hm” Sung Gyu grunted and wrote in the chart, not having anything to comment about the crazy, stalking ex-boyfriend.

“Anything else?”

“The record storet” she said. “Actually, I bought it with a bank loan, repaying the loan with interest and stuff? The problem is with having no money to pay it, as well as my lack of understanding of the whole process”

Sung Gyu smiled at this, and wrote down in the chart. “Well, that’s something I can help you out with. What’s the bank?”

“Hana”

“Terrific” Sung Gyu said and put down his pen. “That’s exactly where I work. Anything else to add to the list?”

Eunji shrugged. “Not as of now”

“Okay” Sung Gyu said, picked up the diagram he so profusely made and analyzed it with squinted eyes. “Well, what do we start with?”

“Woohyun” Eunji said, almost in urgency, and Sung Gyu peeked from behind the paper that he held. “That’s where you want to start with?”

“That’s what I want to have ended soon” Eunji said. And Sung Gyu set down the paper on the table. “Great” he said and pulled out another blank paper out of the stack, laid it over the one he previously used and drew a stick figure on it, which was short and had a massive round head with spiky hair, slanted eyes, huge ears with ear studs as big as his eyeballs and a smile which he assumed looked stupid. Then he wrote beside the stick figure of Woohyun; ‘ _ How to bring the dimwitted Woohyun with contradictory ideas to an absolute closure’ _ . He underlined it with two wriggly lines for a last touch up and finally sat straight, admiring all the hard work he put into it. “There”

“Is this Woohyun?” Eunji pointed at the stick figure, and laughed. 

“Has to be” Sung Gyu said, not a least bit fazed by her laughter. “I mean, that obtuse head is big. And he’s short. He definitely doesn’t make the cut”

Eunji laughed even more. She laughed so much that she ended up hiccupping and wheezing, which was a good thing and it made him smile. Then she placed a hand on his arm and made a scarily straight face. 

“But you wouldn’t believe it when you see him” she said.

“You mean, the size of his head?” 

Eunji laughed. “No! How handsome he is” She widened her eyes and nodded her head. “Really. Handsome.”

“Oh” Sung Gyu said, and really tried to ignore it. He looked at his dull, ugly stick figure, and then he suddenly didn’t feel so good. “ _ Oh…”  _

~*~

The next morning, first things first, he rung Eunji’s psychiatrist, Jang Dong Woo. The conversation was a rather comical one which he didn’t expect. He was a very cheerful person for a doctor who’s dealing with sad, miserable people at a regular basis and had a habit of making a boisterous laughter every ten seconds during the phone conversation. Sung Gyu had never had anyone laughing so much over the phone, and he was confused himself, at a complete loss that he only opted to giving a fake ‘Ha. Ha. Ha.’ When that happened. And Eunji was in the kitchen, making breakfast and giving him rather complacent looks as if she had profusely put him through all this trouble. 

But Doctor Jang was very positive about her. He kept saying that Eunji was a strong girl who always showed prospects of complete recovery and that he had his absolute faith on her. He of course, knew about her constant suicide attempts. She’s stayed at hospital for an overdose once, and then spent another three months in rehab. He has gotten her to stay over at his place ( _ with his mum, of course _ , followed by his boisterous laughter) and he always makes sure she’s well attended to. And when she doesn’t attend the therapy sessions, he takes the therapy sessions to her home. “And she hates it!” Dong Woo exclaimed cheerfully as if it was actually something to laugh about. And then he added in a milder tone, “But I really, really want her to get better. She’s a strong girl. She has a beautiful life ahead, and I want her to realize that”

Then Sung gyu consulted him on the plan of helping her with coping with her emotional turmoil. Doctor Jang supposed that it was a good thing, that she had a strong emotional support. However, he wanted to know of Sung Gyu’s personal background before allowing him to take up the task. So he told him. He told him he was a single father to a four-year-old daughter and he and his wife separated on good terms and he had his mother after his father passed away in a heart attack. He didn’t disclose anything about his sister, nonetheless. He thought it would be too much of information, and also put him in a vulnerable position. Doctor Jang said he was good to go. Yet added, in a warning tone; “But remember, you’re not a real therapist. You have to understand what you’re dealing with. She’s not an ordinary girl, so anything you do could send her tumbling down the hill. Just make sure she attends to her treatments well, and do the kind of things which only support her emotionally…I am sure you’re a good person with good intentions. And I’m trusting you”

After the phone call, he walked into the kitchen to find Eunji carrying Miru around against her hip, asking in a small voice what she’d rather have for breakfast instead of porridge which she hated very much. And this made him smile. She made him smile very often with her sweet but random gestures. For someone who tried to repetitively kill herself, Eunji really carried a very mild soul. She was a beautiful person. And it made him feel funny but wonderful things. She really deserved to live a long life; and if he didn’t manage to give it to her, it would be the loss of him.

During breakfast, as Miru rather ungracefully stuffed her face with the pancakes Eunji made all for her, Sung Gyu pulled out the stack of papers from the other night, slipped on his spectacles and looked at Eunji over the rim. “We’ve something to do today” he said and held out the sheet of paper which said ‘ _ How to bring the dimwitted Woohyun with contradictory ideas to an absolute closure’  _ For the others to see. Miru looked up from her plate and squinted at the drawing on the paper.

“Daddy, who is this?” she wanted to know.

“That’s uncle Woohyun, sweetheart” he explained and looked over at Eunji with his sparkling eyes. “He was mean to this lady here so we’re going to tell him to stop”

Miru tilted her head. “But why?”

“Because he’s not a nice person” Sung gyu said.

“But why?”

Sung Gyu sighed. “Because he just isn’t”

Eunji laughed, and Miru pointed at Stick-Figure Woohyun’s exceptionally huge head. “What is this daddy?”

Sung Gyu looked at the drawing and smiled. “That’s his head”

“But why is it so big?”

Miru really was a very curious child, and she always had so many questions to ask, to which Sung gyu very patiently replied, although he always felt like snapping. “Because it is” he said, and this time, instead of just sitting there and laughing, Eunji stepped in to the rescue by diverting the conversation to an adult topic.

“So we’re going ahead with it today itself?”

Sung gyu nodded and reached out to wipe maple syrup off Miru’s fluffy cheek. “The sooner, the better”


	5. Chapter 5

**_So Sung Gyu_ ** made Eunji call this guy up and plan a meeting for them in the afternoon. Eunji said she’d rather do it privately, preferably over a text message, but then Sung Gyu insisted that she did it over a call, and also have it on loud speaker so that he could hear their conversation and send warning signals if anything was going out of hand.

While Miru busied herself with playing house with her handless Barbie doll and her stuffed dolphin, Sung Gyu and Eunji sat on the floor in the living room, surrounded by all the stray toys and piles and piles of dirty and washed laundry. Eunji dialed the number which she had saved as ‘Woohyun Oppa’ and waited until he picked up, fidgeting with her fingers during the wait.

And Woohyun did, after the seventh ring. When he spoke, however, Sung Gyu was stunned by the deep and resonant sound of his voice. By the tone of it, he could say that this definitely was a singer, and that his voice was unquestionably made for a balladeer. He could understand why Eunji was getting so worked-up with him deciding to do dance music, because if it was him, he would do the same.

And he didn’t sound like a creepy, stalking ex-lover at all. Tragically, he sounded more like a smooth and romantic, daring boyfriend, which was contradictory in itself.  Sung gyu was pleasantly surprised.

“Eunji? Hey, how have you been? It’s so hard to contact you, now” he said, and Sung gyu could hardly believe this was the man Eunji had said wanted her killed. He sounded more like the ideal boyfriend who’d buy you the moon if he had to.

Eunji on the other hand didn’t seem like she’d want him to buy the moon for her. Sung Gyu could say, just by her expression that she knew him very well to not to be fooled by this. 

“Look, Woohyun Oppa” she said, and her saying that word made him cringe. “We need to meet up”

“Meet up?” Woohyun’s voice went an octave higher. “Wow…I thought you’d never ask me this. Why? You suddenly realized that there isn’t anyone like me?”

There. Sung Gyu totally lost his impression that he was an ideal boyfriend at that point. Woohyun wasn’t an ideal boyfriend. He was snarky, cocky and an actual dimwit. He could almost imagine him with a big head and big ear studs, shaking his head at everything she said.

“It isn’t that” Eunji said through gritted teeth, and Sung gyu could see how much she was trying to suppress herself from exploding. “Listen. I want us to come to a closure. That’s what we’re going to talk about.”

“Closure?” Woohyun repeated even louder, as if it was something unheard of. “Why do we need a closure? We were good together, Eunji. We were possibly the most perfect couple in the whole of Seoul, and you know that”

Sung gyu wanted to laugh. Eunji was right. This guy was totally full of himself. Which man in his right mind would even say something like that? If Sung gyu would ever personally meet him, the first thing he would do is punch him square on his face and make him understand that he and Eunji was never the most perfect couple in the whole of Seoul, especially if he tried to get his friends kidnap her for the sake of it.

And Eunji too, was trying her best to keep herself from going completely bonkers. This guy could run anyone bonkers, if that was a thing. “Well, you were the one who said you would…ah never mind!”

“I was the one who said  _ what _ ?” Woohyun pushed on. “I said  _ what _ , Eunji?”

“I said never mind!”

“What do you mean, never mind? You can’t never mind it! I want to know what I did wrong!”

Sung gyu really wanted to punch this bloke right through the phone, and he really wished he could. It was a good thing that they were seeing this guy in the afternoon, if he ever agreed to it, that is. And when they do, and when Sung Gyu would pass by him, he would make sure he would give him the most blood chilling glare that he could muster. 

And just at that point, Miru stood up and waddled over to the two of them. Then she yelled, loud enough to be carried through the phone. “Daddy!”

And Woohyun, just as expected, caught the wrong end of it. “ _ Daddy? _ Eunji, what are you doing there? Who’s there with you? Why are they saying  _ daddy? _ ”

Sung gyu would throw the phone across the room if he had to. “It’s just a-!” Eunji started, sighed in exasperation and dragged a hand down her face. “Never mind, just tell me where you want to meet”

Afterwards, Sung Gyu let them continue the call in private which included a whole lot of frustrated grumbling through teeth, quiet swearing and stomping all over the floor from her side, but eventually they came to the agreement of meeting up that afternoon over ice-cream ( _ Ice-cream?!? _ ) and talk about their ill-fated love life.

~*~

That afternoon, Sung Gyu got into a T-shirt and jeans, topped it with an old blue jacket, put Miru into her favorite dress and allowed her to have it when she wanted to wear her much-loved devil-horn headband and waited for Eunji to return. Sung gyu was all up for it and even had a well prepared crisis plan in case there was a crisis in the process of breaking up. Although it was quite hard to imagine two people having a love quarrel while holding candy-floss ice cream in a place full of pastel colored deco, children and smitten couples, Sung Gyu could never be certain of what turns they could take. He wrote everything down in a piece of paper, in case he needed it, including the things he could do, places they could go if Eunji lost her calm. He had it neatly folded and safely tucked into his jacket pocket. As a lonely bank manager who hardly ever had anything happening in his life, Sung Gyu found this entire ordeal kind of exciting. But of course, being dumped wasn’t exciting. Neither was being a quiet eye-witness of someone else being dumped. But it added a least bit of color to his boring life, to have a woman’s presence after the last time he did. He also had the feeling that he might make the most use out of it.

Eunji came out in a brown suede skirt down to an inch above her knees, a sweater and a jacket topping it off, her hair let down and a hint of makeup on her eyes and her lips. “Do I look okay?” She asked, and instead of saying  _ Yes, you look gorgeous! _ In a pretty stalker-ish way (despite the fact that it’s pretty much how he felt at that moment) Sung gyu just shrugged and tilted his head. “Well, is it important to look  _ okay _ if you’re going there to dump your boyfriend?”

Eunji made a long, straight face which was almost terrifying. “I want to look good so that he would see how better off I am without him” She said.

 

While in Sung Gyu’s car, on the way to the designated destination, Eunji explained why they were going to have a love quarrel at an ice cream place. 

“Woohyun is stingy” she said as she made a sour face at the thought of it. “And Ice cream is possibly the only thing he could afford, at any rate. I also understand that he’s been spending most of what he earns on making pieces to pass on to company people. But still, he needs to understand it himself that he couldn’t afford to have a perfect and expensive girlfriend let alone to marry one. And I never complained. Hell, I probably even had more money than he ever did, but I never complained. And he had to go ahead and do this” 

Quietly, as he only managed to give her a hum in acknowledgement, Sung Gyu decided that this Woohyun person really, really deserved to be dumped. At an ice cream place, any less.

But when they finally arrived at the ice cream place and when Eunji rather subtly directed him and his kid to a table in a clear but unobvious proximity to a table by the window, Sung Gyu was soon convinced otherwise. He looked at the man sitting there by the glass panel, with the white sun seeping through and casting on him and all, and wondered why anyone, let alone Eunji herself would want to dump a man like him. And Then Sung gyu was sad. Suddenly it looked like Sung gyu was the man who deserved to be dumped (also was dumped) by any woman he meets than this man will ever be.

Woohyun was completely different from the Woohyun of whom he had a vague picture formed in his mind. He was the total opposite of the Woohyun he had drawn in the sheet of paper from last night. Woohyun in real person hadn’t a big head. It was small, in just the right shape and size, and his tuft of shaggy black hair was neatly brushed to a side, forming a perfect comma falling on his forehead. His eyes were small and always smiling even when his lips weren’t, and his skin was as smooth as of a girl. He didn’t wear ear studs the size of his face either. He didn’t wear any at all. And no, unlike he assumed, Woohyun wasn’t wearing ripped jeans or studded biker jackets or grease in his hair. He was dressed in a blue pull-over over a crisp white shirt, a shiny new wrist watch and jeans, an outfit he’d have imagined for a school teacher to wear rather than someone who made street music. 

And most importantly. He was so prim, proper and polite. Just like his voice first sounded over the phone. He looked nothing like a man who followed his ex-girlfriend in the night, made creepy phone calls and got his friends to kidnap her, or someone who’d rather have her killed. Sung gyu was confused. Also, it all made sense. A guy like him would have a girlfriend, dump her and dream about marrying a perfect princess. It seemed that everything about this person was screaming contradiction. He wondered if he had a problem of split personality.

Miru had straight ahead whizzed off to check the ice cream flavors and was now loudly beckoning her father over to the counter. But he waited patiently as Eunji walked over to Woohyun’s table. When she did and when he saw her, Woohyun simply stood up and folded her into a hug. Sung Gyu was even more surprised. Despite his tiny frame, he wasn’t that so short to speak of. He was handsome. And he was nice and proper (at least he looked like it) and although he wasn’t as tall as Sung gyu himself, it was hard to believe that he never made it into the entertainment industry. Woohyun looked like he was made for it.

Sung Gyu watched their exchange with a straight face, trying not to look too obvious, and grimaced when Woohyun displayed an overly staged excess of affection towards her. Maybe the reason why he never made it to the industry was his fake wit and stinking personality. Sung gyu decided himself.

Once he was sure it was okay for him to leave her there, he slowly slipped out of the chair and walked towards his daughter. Miru was such a girl. She was already doing well in becoming a woman one day; the most incomprehensible kind of beings. The moment he got to her and asked which flavor she would like, she ever so candidly announced that she didn’t want any ice cream anymore because he took too long to come. And then when he sighed and announced that he was going to get a double chocolate duplex in a waffle cup for himself, Miru quickly changed her mind and began to list down a heap of flavors which he was certain she couldn’t even finish. He had to laugh at this and explain to the person in the counter that they haven’t decided yet. It was a good thing that Miru was adorable (and that he was adorable too; he could tell by the way the lady at the counter eyed him) or they would have been really pissed.

In the end they both purchased their respective double scoop cones, (Miru wanted one of the biscuit bears stuck to it, also sprinkles, and it took awhile for her to decide but they ended up getting them both) and Sung gyu led Miru to the table where they sat in before. Miru sat on the chair on his right, which was a good thing so he wasn’t blocked off his view. Sung Gyu put on his spectacles, pulled out the day’s paper, held it up with his free hand, covering most of his face, pretended to read while looking over at the silently quarreling pair and feasted on his cone.

The hushed conversations between Eunji and Woohyun continued as long as Sung gyu took to finish his ice cream cone. Woohyun, for once, didn’t look like the prim and proper ideal boyfriend the moment he lost his cool. The real Woohyun, the possessive stalker who tried to get his friends to kidnap her soon appeared, and Sung Gyu was already in guard. Nonetheless. He didn’t step in. As much as he wanted to stand up, go over and just protect Eunji with all his might, he also understood that it wasn’t the right thing to do. Sung gyu was of course, trying to get her life back in the rightful course, but that didn’t mean he should interfere when she was doing the bits which were necessarily to be done by herself. No mess could be cleared unless the one who made the mess the first place would step in and do it. This was her life. And she must have control over it.

When Woohyun’s voice raised, Eunji’s voice did too. And soon appeared the devilish side of her as well. The two of them swore to each other in hushed whispers, but it didn’t continue for much longer. It only took them only as long as Sung gyu took to reach into his pocket and fish out the crisis plan. Eunji was finally taking the full control into her hands. She did exactly as they had it planned. She pushed back her chair rather roughly, stood up, grabbed her bag and put on her coat. Though the two of them had never really exchanged rings, she saw the great need of slamming her hand aggressively on the table. Then much to his surprise, her voice loud and clear, Eunji said, every single syllable exactly the same; “Don’t call me, don’t message me, don’t drop me to the bus stop, don’t even breath the same air as I do!” before she huffed, tossed her head and stomped her way out of the door.

“Daddy, the lady went away” Miru said and continued to lick off her already dripping ice cream, her actions in great contradiction to her words. Sung Gyu on the other hand wanted to giggle. Or better, he wanted to laugh hysterically until all the wit completely disappeared. But he stopped himself and pulled off a gravely perplexed face, his spectacles crooked and everything, when Woohyun looked at him and made a face that seemed to imply ‘ _ Can you believe these women?’ _ which was true to some extent (and which he agreed on, to some extent) but at that moment, though he returned the same gesture to him as if the feeling was mutual, it truly wasn’t.

Sung gyu still thought that Woohyun really deserved to be dumped.

 

A few minutes later, Sung Gyu walked out of the ice cream store (after having cleaned up the mess Miru made with her melting Ice cream, wiped her face, washed her hand and giving a cheeky smile to the cashier lady, just for being extremely understanding) and found Eunji standing outside on the pavement, or rather, stomping from one end to the other with steam coming out both her ears. Intuitively, Sung Gyu’s hand reached for the crisis plan, and searched in her behavior for any sign of discomfit or possible disaster. The stomping couldn’t mean anything good. Neither could the murderous look on her face. The moment he called her name and made a few careful steps towards her, Eunji simply exploded like a missile which has been waiting to be clicked, and nearly threw Sung gyu off his feet. 

“What took you so long!”

Sung gyu looked down at Miru, and puckered his lips. Eunji got the message, sighed loudly, ran her hands through her hair a few times and continued to stomp. “Oh, I’m so mad right now. I can kill him. I can kill everyone. I’m so, so, so mad”

Miru was watching her with concern, and it immediately occurred to him that she shouldn’t be even in the slightest proximity to someone who loudly admitted that they wanted to kill someone. He picked her up and held her against his hip.

“Eunji-Ssi” he said. She stopped stomping and glared at the other. “What?”

“Let’s calm down first” he said.

“No, I don’t want to bloody calm down!”

He pursed his lips and this time he really reached for the folded paper in his pocket. “Listen, Eunji-Ssi,”

“I said I didn’t want to bloody calm down, shut up!”

He glared at her and considered walking away from her because his child not hearing nor seeing what she was doing was more important to him than Eunji’s grave need to throw a hissy fit right now. But then he remembered doctor Jang, and the words he said earlier that day. Sung Gyu couldn’t just walk away now. Not when he was already in deep.

“Eunji-Ssi” He repeated, now not bothering to sound mild and calm as he did earlier. She needed this. “You listen to me right now, Eunji-Ssi”

Sung Gyu’s stiff and stern tone seemed to come off as considerably effective. That, for the least, stopped Eunji from stomping, although it hasn’t done anything better for her sour mood. But it was enough for now. At least she was listening.

“What?” She said in a rough voice. Sung Gyu looked at the folded paper in his hand, but then he didn’t want to come off as someone who did things right off the book. Eunji needed some color in her life, and something enjoyable to let off her steam. Sung Gyu looked down at Miru then, and she was looking over at him with hopeful eyes. “Sweetheart” he called. “Do you want to do the big adventure?”

Right at the sound of his words, Miru’s face brightened up with delight. “Yes! The big adventure!”

Eunji was staring at the exchange quite hopelessly, and dropped her hands. “What are you even talking about?”

“The big adventure” Sung gyu said, and gave her one massive smile. “Come along now, let’s do this!”

“But what’s the big adventure!”

“Hurry up! Or you wouldn’t find out!” Sung gyu yelled over his shoulder, and continued to walk on.

The healing process hadn’t completely worked out as he planned. But things didn’t happen right over night. They took time and effort. They took mistakes and things made right. Sung gyu understood this. He also understood that things didn’t remain bad forever. Things would take the right course, and things would certainly get better. But only, they took time, effort, and a person with the will to change things for the best.


	6. Chapter 6

**_The big adventure_ ** was something Sung Gyu invented ages ago when he and Hayoung were still together. She enjoyed shopping a lot, and it was something she did, habitually when she wasn’t in a good mood. 

According to her, shopping for things, regardless of whether you used them or not, was something which really boost her momentum. She particularly enjoyed shopping for perfume and cosmetic durables because that’s what she worked in, and she had this some exceptional kind of sense towards distinguishing a good scent from a presumably bad one, from a good French or Italian brand to a cheap rip off. 

Sung Gyu figured a long time ago that people had talent and passion in a number of things. Some could sing, some could draw, and some uniquely aesthetic and beautiful girls as herself had talents as unusual as drawing out a good scent. Sung gyu on the other hand, only had a talent of being whiny and boring and passing it to the next closest person, like an epidemic. 

So rather than flourishing his own capabilities, Sung Gyu worked on bringing out the rather unique one of hers. He took Hayoung out shopping at all times possible; to the shopping districts, to all the malls and even once, abroad (to Hong Kong) to support her in doing what she loved. Whenever she fell into a sour mood, he’d suggest they go out for a big shopping adventure, which then turned into the big adventure, which somehow stuck to them, like their own little secret. 

And this continued for years, even after she got pregnant, they got married, they had Miru, all until the day she left. The big adventure, somehow, even after she abandoned him, sustained. For Sung Gyu, even if she was gone, the important things he used to do with her were hard to get out of his system. In fact, things they did together built a whole new way and simply  _ became _ the system; and it was now a big part of him. Not doing their usual things beat him up with the notion of being left out, being lonely and simply being unimportant to the rest of the world. Doing their usual things, on the other hand, still kept their memories alive. Also, gratefully, Miru was a girl and was the exact resemblance of Hayoung, and she was a complete sucker for (except perfumes) all the things that Hayoung used to love. And the big adventure was somehow her absolute favorite.

But Eunji wasn’t one to appreciate the kind of things the ordinary girls did. (the trendy, the fashionable; the kind of girls who knew all the cosmetic brands, bubble baths and aromatic teas by their names and manufacture, like a mantra) She liked music, second hand guitars with the signatures of famous musicians on them, CD shops, vintage clothes, knitted hats, and things which required more of soul than expenses. 

It was quite hard to cooperate her into doing the kind of shopping that Miru liked to do. (And he was kind of, sort of glad that she didn’t go into one cosmetic store after the other, smelled perfumes, then go and complain to the store owner than a certain brand in sale was actually a rip-off) Miru just liked the normal four-year-old girly stuff; like dolls, play houses and pink, fluffy tutu skirts. She’d pick them out one by one, and Sung gyu tried to not to spoil her too much and told her in warning voices that she was only allowed to buy three things. So she’d check in one shop, browse until she found something she liked, go to another, and the cycle would continue. 

On this day, she opted to buy a pair of pastel blue and incredibly glittery fairy wings, a bottle of soap bubbles and a new stuffed cat with a crown on which she instantly named as princess. Then they bought hot dogs and cola from the plaza and sat on the bench near the fountain. Sung gyu sat beside Eunji and was glad that her steam had somehow passed. She looked…not happy. But okay.

“Daddy!” Miru called, and more than having her hot dog, she wanted to play with her new toys. She was holding up the fairy wings; She also wanted he bottle of soap bubbles opened. Sung gyu could never understand how those clumsy little four year olds could be incredibly active without even having a proper meal, even if the parents forced it one them. 

“Sweetheart, we’re playing after lunch okay?” he said. Yet, in total contrast to his words, he was actually unwrapping the fairy wings for her as he said this.

“But I’m not hungry!” Miru argued, hopping up and down on her feet. “Hurry up daddy!”

When you’re fathering an adorable little girl, it was actually quite hard to keep up to your principles and rules. He wordlessly followed her and helped her into her fairy wings. (which also came with a wand, which had a led light in it, and it glimmered when you shook it) She picked up her wand in one hand and flew off into her own world as if he had attached her onto real wings.

For a moment, she reminded him of Hayoung. Of how she flew away from him. Her free spirit which he could never hold back with him, not even with a baby who was her whole world. At times, it just scared him, thinking that Miru was her daughter, and the possibility of her taking after her mother was hard to evade. It was possible that she would find her own wings one day and fly away from the nest,  _ his _ nest, to explore, wander through the exotic forests, looking for new things; and he would always fall back into square one. He would have nobody left then. And he would no longer want to be himself.

“Are you not going to open it?” Eunji asked all of a sudden, speaking into his train of thoughts.

“Hm what?”

Eunji laughed and gestured at the bottle of soap bubbles still in his hands. “That. I’m dying to go pop the bubbles”

Sung gyu laughed as well, relieved that she had really let out her steams during the big adventure and was back to her old self. He needed her to keep it. It actually looked like good improvement for the moment. So he unscrewed the cap and passed it over to her. “Be my guest”

Eunji blew bubbles; big and small, a series of them floating into thin air one after the other. Sung gyu watched her as she enjoyed herself doing this. In the beginning, there was only a tight frown on her face, which then turned into a pursed lipped blank face, and slowly, like a curtain being lifted off to let the white sun seep in, her face got color, her eyes got life; they turned into those crescent moons that he loved, and shined so livelily like a cluster of stars. Her lips curved into a smile, and then a laughter. She giggled as she poked the bubbles which lingered in the air, and as they popped, she laughed. She stood up, blew more bubbles, attracted everyone’s attention and became a child lost in her own little world in matter of seconds, it was beautiful.

Miru came running back to them, and doing all her cute ballerina poses, she began to pop the bubbles with her glittery blue wand, singing the numbers in a cheery loud voice. And then, much for his amazement, Eunji began to sing along too. 

This continued for a moment, and all Sung Gyu could do was sitting there on his own and watch the scene unfold. All of a sudden, he was thinking back to Hayoung and Miru. 

Hayoung never played so much with the girl. She was almost always busy with her work, going to the store, coming back, making new natural scents, talking about perfume over the phone; aside from these, when there were moments where Miru was really involved, Hayoung was obsessed with keeping her neat and clean, dressing her up, brushing her hair, complaining and cleaning up after her mess. 

At times, Sung Gyu had to step in and offer to take care of Miru himself while she worked, which she did. But then when he let Miru do as she pleased, Hayoung would come around and complain, again, that he was spoiling her. It was sad now that he thought of it. Hayoung was always busy trying to be a mum, so much so that she missed out on being herself.

But when he made up his mind and stood up to pop the bubbles himself, Sung Gyu realized that he himself had been a huge part of it. He brought Hayoung into motherhood way too soon, and she probably couldn’t find time to adjust into the new lifestyle. It was him who should have eased ‘fun’ into their habitual lifestyle. But what he really did back then was just being a father, a banker and the husband he thought he should be. So maybe, just maybe if he stopped being solely a father to Miru and take up the likes of someone who actually enjoyed life and brought color into another, he could prevent Miru, or just about anyone, flying away from his nest.

He caught the bubbles in a clap, and complained that Eunji was so slow in blowing them, at which point she blew a whole lot right into his face and made Miru laugh hysterically, jumping up and down and making her wings flap against one another as if she was flying. He was lucky the soap didn’t get into his eyes. She tossed the bottle at him again, and as he stood there, blowing them, the two girls hopped around, popping them out. A moment later, some little boy who’s been watching the whole thing came around and began to pop bubbles himself, and Sung Gyu had to blow more of them, which was fine as well, because he was having fun. At some point or the other, through all the hopping and dancing, Eunji looked up and met his eyes. After days, he was seeing so much of life in her, like hope and dreams had finally returned to them. Sung Gyu’s hand lowered, He was suddenly in a trance. He beamed back at her then, and when she smiled, he knew. Everything was going to be alright.

~*~

“You know what my idea of a big adventure is?” Eunji asked as they walked their way back to the parking lot. Sung Gyu was carrying Miru because she wanted to be carried (Also while wearing her devil horns headband and angel wings, which was all quite contradictory in itself) while Eunji carried the things they bought. Sung Gyu looked over at Eunji and raised his brows. “What?”

“Going on a road trip. Getting lost. That kind of a thing” she said and swayed her hand which carried the bags back and forth.

“That’s the kind of an adventure that Mimi can’t have, surely” He pointed out. “She’s tiny, and she falls asleep”

“Well, you wouldn’t know unless we try” Eunji said. And then suddenly she stopped walking, a strange shine appeared in her eyes as if something incredible just occurred to her. “That’s right! Let’s go on a real big adventure” she then exclaimed excitedly.

Sung Gyu sighed, because it was the kind of a thing that he really couldn’t do, not with a toddler in his arms. Also, it wasn’t a point in his crisis plan. “Eunji-Ssi…”

“No!” She clapped and began to hop, actually hop on her feet. Like a child. “I read this book once, and this lady, she drives around with her three-year-old niece in all the directions the kid asks her to take, and see wherever they take them to. We can ask Miru to give directions, you drive and we’ll see where we end up”

Sung Gyu was still unconvinced. “So, anything good came out of it? In the book I mean”

Eunji gave a noncommittal shrug. “Well, they drove into some drug dealers and got the windscreen smashed”

“Right” Sung Gyu nodded.

“But that was in a book!” She said, now her voice was louder, echoing in the underground parking lot. “You don’t find drug dealers in real life. And it will be fun! Like getting a tarot card reading, or…or going on a cruise!”

“But still” He tried to further argue why it was a bad idea. “Mimi would definitely fall asleep in the middle of it, and I really don’t want to get my windscreen smashed”

Eunji rolled her eyes and walked over to little Miru. “Say, Mimi. Do you want to drive around the city?”

“Drive around the ci…ty?” Miru repeated, quite perplexed, and tilted her head. “What is that?”

“You know” Eunji proceeded to explain, and Sung gyu could swear, this was the most animated and excited that he had ever seen her be. “Daddy drives the car to places we’ve never been. Mimi can tell him where to go”

Much to his surprise, Miru so easily bought it. She held up her hands high in the air and the wand barely missed hitting him in the eye. “Yes! I want to tell daddy where to go!”

“But Mimi” Sung Gyu said in a mild voice. “You fall asleep. And you’re tired already”

At this, Miru held her wand straight ahead, like a gladiator holding out his sword and said in an irritated voice; “Nooo!! I’m not tired daddy! I don’t sleep!”

“See!” Eunji said and started to hop on her feet again. “She wants to go too! So it’s two against one. Just give in!”

Sung Gyu looked at Miru in his arms, suddenly bubbly and animated after she was given the big responsibility of staying up and giving directions; then he looked over at Eunji; who was excited and just…happy, in a way he had never seen before. This was the exact contrast of the Eunji from the top-most floor of the building he found three days ago. This wasn’t the Eunji who wanted to die. And her smile, so brilliant and so wonderfully reassuring, he couldn’t bring himself to let it wipe off her face.

You see, when you have two equally adorable girls trying to convince you to do something, and if one of them was your own daughter and the other…well, was the woman whom you have saved from death and was now a very dear person in your life, it’s just so hard to refrain yourself from giving in. There were the kind of men who could resist. There were those men who never got affected by the women’s incontestable charms. But Sung gyu, he has never been that strong. He just wasn’t one of them.

And it also occurred that these were the things that he couldn’t do for Hayoung, and his sister to prevent them from going away. 

“Okay, fine” He said in the end, and with much effort, he gave in. “Okay…but we should get home before Mimi’s time for bed”

“Really!” Eunji jumped again and nearly hugged him. She would have, if not for Miru who hugged him first. Miru almost never hugged Sung Gyu. Not unless if she was sleepy and wanted to be carried from sofa to bed. It caught him by surprise; even more so, to think that Eunji almost hugged him too. It was so hard to get some love from the women he had around him, so he decided it was a good way to go.

 

So the three of them loaded into his car and Eunji even let Miru sit in the front because she wanted to give directions (and it was how it was in the book, according to her. Only except that the lady was driving and the man was in the back, but since the circumstances here were different, it couldn’t be helped. Also, Eunji couldn’t drive.) and simply got into the back seat. Sung Gyu was still wary of what he got himself into. He even considered pretending to drive as Miru say and take a different route home, then pretend to be shocked that Miru’s direction-saying has miraculously led them there; but he also couldn’t bring himself to lie to them.

As much as he was in control among them since he was the oldest and was the father, he also had no control over their happiness. He had to let them have it in the way they desired; and whenever that was concerned, he almost had no say in it. All he could do was provide them what they need.

So he did as he was asked to. Miru wanted him to drive straight out of the shopping district (she didn’t know that’s what it was. She only wanted him to go straight, and as luck might have it, it’s the way out of the square) then to take the bridge to the other side and led him to the expressway which took them all the way to Yeouido. They got out of the expressway from the Yeouido exit, and then Miru suggested multiple turns and roads one after the other as Eunji cheered her on. 

Soon, Sung Gyu didn’t know what he was doing, because he was completely transfixed on following Miru’s orders as if he was immersed in some sort of a computer game. He didn’t know where they were driving to. The path they took was only a blurry set of random directions in his mind. The sun slowly began to turn golden orange and descended to the west, giving the sky hues of orange, crimson and lavender beams. They soon came to a long and wide expanse of a grassland, the tall grass stood almost touching the sky, and a narrow mud path fell through it, which, miraculously, could house the sizeable jeep they drove. And before them, in its glory was a sight Sung gyu had never known to exist in the curbs of the city.

It was the big blue; silent, unmoving, like a massive looming ghost, slowly swallowing up the tremendous sun as it descended to give space to the moon. The remaining beams made vibrant ripples on the ghastly blue sea, shining vigorously against the steady body of water. For a moment, Sung Gyu could feel his hands giving up on the wheels, completely entranced by the natural wonders. Yet, when Miru cheered at the sight unfolding before them, he drove on.

They were on a hill, and beyond the hill, after quite a slope downwards, was the coastline, the silent white sands constantly being washed off by the rolling waves. It was so quiet that even the hum of the wind came to them in a loud howling, and the soft, regular sound of the waves lingering on the beach was incredibly pacifying. Sung Gyu parked the vehicle on the edge of the hill and the three of them climbed out, only to be greeted by the salty spring breeze coming from the ocean. 

“Daddy it’s the sea!” Miru screamed out her excitement, hopping up and down in glee. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, LET’S GO!” and she took off in a run.

“Sweetheart” Sung Gyu called, but he simply went unheard over Miru’s innocent enthusiasm for the sea. Miru wasn’t a difficult child. But she was also a child who liked to listen to her heart than her father. And Sung Gyu was a stubborn worrier, so the two of them had times when they didn’t exactly correlate.

Fortunately for him, however, there was another girl in the crowd who well suited her disposition. Eunji placed a hand on his arm reassuringly, said “I’ll handle it” and she also took off after her. Sung gyu just stood there for a moment, leaning against the car, watching the two of them trying to climb down the slope to the beach. It wasn’t high up, but it was slippery. Yet, if you fell, it wasn’t a bad one since you’d simply roll over to the beach. They got down somehow, and he watched as Eunji helped Miru out of her shoes and removed her tights. She took off her shoes as well, took Miru’s hand and the two of them stood on the sand, allowing the waves linger by their feet, their small, dark silhouettes a beautiful contrast against the lavender sky. 

Unconsciously, Sung Gyu thought back to his wife who walked away, and a guilty feeling overtook him. Certainly, these were the little things he could/did never give her. He was so busy with fulfilling the bigger ones’ earning and fatherly responsibilities that he lost himself in this mess altogether and stopped seeing the need of the small details. They could have had a trip to the beach, gone to an amusement park, climbed mountains, gone camping; or at least just playing with soap bubbles and made them smile. He felt guilty because he now felt like he was compensating for everything that he missed out on giving her, by giving them to a girl he never even knew. Was it the right thing to do? He felt like he never even gave this effort to hold Hayoung back when she left. But here he was, trying everything within possibility to save the life of a girl that he hardly even knew.

“Sung Gyu-Ssi! Sung Gyu-Ssi, come on!” Eunji suddenly called from the shore, pulling Sung Gyu out of his train of thoughts. The two of them were waving both their hands in the air, trying to get his attention. It took a moment to realize that he was here, now, standing in this moment, and Hayoung was only the past he couldn’t keep up with. He looked at Eunji. He watched her smile. He watched as her eyes caught the shine coming from the impending moon and how her hair danced vigorously in the wind. He watched how she held onto Miru as if she was her own child. Suddenly, he didn’t feel bad anymore. He didn’t feel guilty. Of course he wasn’t compensating for the wife who walked away from him. He was only saving a beautiful life.

“Coming!” he called, ran to the edge, slid down the slope, took off his shoes, rolled up his jeans and joined the other two by the rolling waves. They continued to live in the moment, ever so gratefully from that point. The waves rolled on and kissed their feet, and the sky slowly turned from lavender to blue. Sung Gyu reached out and held onto Miru’s hand from one side, and Eunji held her from the other. Both of them looked at Miru, and then at one another. In a quiet, enigmatic exchange, then, the two of them acknowledged the fact that they were indirectly holding hands; And it was all good.  _ It was all good _ .


End file.
